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Poetry of bkh, Quester, & Others
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30th-May-2017 10:03 pm - Foreword on poetry
Paul in St. Louis

Here is our poetry - Purported to be "No worse than any other!" :)

Included within this collection of well known poetry by such poets as
Plath, Whitman, Sandburg, Hopkins, Dickenson, Frost, Poe, and others,
are my poems from 1964 to the present written by me, Paul P. aka Quester
and poems of b.k.h., aka jhonne jroh, a life-long close friend.

Use the "previous entries" and "recent entries" tabs
to navigate quickly through the writings.
Feel free to add a poem or offer a comment.

Thanks - Paul (Quester) & Brain (b.k.h. - jhonne jroh)
29th-May-2017 05:19 am - Fevered Malaise - by Quester
happy paul
Fevered Malaise - by Quester 2017 (copywrite 2017)

Night fall lowers the
long asleep eyes upon
faces in the back shelf
dusty album;

Tattered shirts
from the last move
cast departing shadows;

I turn from the furies
of my mind's mirage
held by the wraith
of your image;

The gathered fates
empower your
elusive realms;

Emboldened perchance
of their passage,
the muse of your
wraith remains;

Craving yet one
last encounter
to stir from the
fevered malaise.

13th-May-2015 06:54 am - Time - by Quester
Time - by Quester (me) 1964 (my first poem) (copyright 2005)

Although for me there's seldom haste,
I could not, if I wanted, stop.
The elders, I leave in a chase,
and children let me go to waste;

Invisible! That's what I am,
and yet, I'm seen on things of old.
I kill, I heal, I fly, I creep...
I'm even moving while you sleep;

Polite take me to say, "Yes Maam";
I'm even used to smoke a ham.
My mark is etched within in a tree;
Now try to guess what I may be.
13th-May-2015 03:02 am - For My Own Reasons - by Quester
rabbit paul
For My Own Reasons - by Quester 1995 (copyright 2006)

I wrote,
for a long time,
inadaquate words
that may be poetry --
some may even like it;

but more importantly --
I write for my own reasons.
12th-May-2015 01:12 am - Shoes - by Quester
rabbit paul
Shoes - by Quester 1968 (copyright 2006)

When days are long and skies are blue,
i wonder who is what and what is who;
sitting alone in a cool breeze,
i wonder... why shoes are whose
and whose are these?

The day is longer,
not so blue,
still i sit in hope of you;
alone i stand without a clue
of where is lost the love we knew.

While watching fall, the fading leaves,
along this hillside in a cool breeze,
my question with no answer pleads.
"why are shoes whose?
and whose are these?"
12th-May-2015 12:37 am - Things that mark time - by Quester
happy paul
Things that mark time - by Quester (copywrite 2005)

I was counting days, counting events, I counted people, and all the things...
the things that must be so important!
Then I laughed. I saw it all a meaningless searching of something...
Something that means nothing... Nothing of importance... Just so many things.
Things that mark time.

It was a joy having things to do, things Great, things Powerful!
After all effort, all thought, they were merely a busy work
till the end of days lost in the marking of time.

I rest now in the knowledge that little will matter.
No hurts always last, nor do pleasures last.
The sands of time will cover all efforts.
Harms will be covered, losses forgotten,
only shifting uncertainties continue.

Years of counting, planning, hoping... and now,
the luxury of peace with less to do.
I now prefer the uncertainty of unknown insecurity
Rather than the security of known misery.

The leaf in the stream, a picture on the shelf, just are;
are all parts of things that mark life - mark time.
Today is our greatest day,
No matter what we do.

Paul P. 05-12-2010
11th-May-2015 11:34 pm - A Safe Shade of Darkness - Quester
A Safe Shade of Darkness - Quester - 11-28-2005 (copyright 2005)

The soul and body feel distain
of darkness and of life.
both soul and flesh
fear facing death...
bereft of friend,
deprived of breath;

Both know the victor's final fate...
both fear the darkest night awaits...
the body calls for comfort still
in welcome of the cold night's chill;

Shifting on sunsets
of calm solitude,
soldiering homeward
through dirges and fugues;

We traverse the walkways
and byway's morass,
we open slowly
a door of our past;

We reach to the source
from whence we all came,
a place in our twilight
cloaked of the same;

Finished with fighting,
the spirit now seeks
a safe shade of darkness
in which we can sleep.
11th-May-2015 11:12 pm - Secret Places - by Quester
Secret Places - by Quester 2005 (copywrite 2006)

Why must I feel love
here - again?
Why now?
When torrents of tears
had seemed almost over;

So close to the truth,
yet, we did not dare look,
We did not dare see
how little time was left,
how ill we came to be;
our love, our only best medicine --
can our love now set us free?

Tears do not heal, just are --
Eyes - misty,
steps - slower,
now uncertain;

words form to speak in a voice
never again to be sounded;

choking words so hard to say
now slip into hushed echo
near spaces we once filled;

Shadows loom in our night love
of warm summer lit memories we
barely recall
as foggy visions fail --

watching from this passing train,
the eyes of you - so familiar;
eyes glowing into blossom
of the very heart of you;

Your warmth freshly flowing,
touching secret places
only we could find;

the love I knew,
the love we knew,
held close - enigmatic,
yet so real;

In my dreams, you arrive
once more, vibrant and renewed;
in my parting, I will come
once more.... for you;

Love that held us dearly,
vows unto death we share,
guide us now safely homeward,
to rest in the depth of your care.
happy paul
Something That Means Something (phone call to a friend) - by Quester 12-14-2005 (copyright 2006) (inspired by my guest named Shy)

Nothing, what are you doing?
I'm just waiting.
There is really nothing
important to do;

My glass of soda is getting empty.
I guess I'll refill it.
You know, some of us can't
stand empty glasses;

Oh, you too? Yeah.
No, not much...
just sitting here
wondering what will
make me get up and
face the day;

It's raining out today;
I remember a time
I walked and cried
in the rain and not
one person could see;

I liked the rain then,
don't need the rain now;
all I need today is to
remember to smile;

To remember that there
is life to live and
people to love...
life to touch and see...

A dogie laughing
with his tongue dripping,
and scratching funny
with his back paw;

A little child grinning
from ear to ear over
something silly
adults fail to see;

I am wondering if
something small,
or kind, or funny,
with be the thing today;

The one thing to
help me get out of bed,
to walk, shower,
shave, eat;

Or will it be a fear,
or a hope, or even
a phone call from a friend
to bring a better mood;

Clothes are on the floor,
not mine, but the guy
sleeping in my bed
so far away next to me;

He said he has plans for tomorrow
of something that means something;

I wish to watch
the soda
in the crystal glass
decline --

like an hour glass marking
only sand,
or a time piece that's
lost it's little hand;

The rain is clearing up
the fogginess;
something is appearing;
a reason -

No, not doing,
just being...
quietly comforted
with soulful eyes on Shy

while we lie
close by,
enraptured in dreams
of something that means something.
11th-May-2015 10:50 pm - Face to Face - by Quester
Face to Face - by Quester 1979 (copywrite 2005)

I do not know
how to do less or more
when we meet.
I do not know
how to be larger than I am
more of one thing
or another;

I do not know
how to touch you
without feeling
how I deeply I miss you;
I don't know how
to be strong,
not let you see I care,
not hold on too long;

Like icicles
on frozen birches
I dare not move...
so afraid I'll snap and
break into pieces before you;

I do not know
one thing to do
to feel once more
golden soft rays
of your smile
lost in memories of
time past;

I cannot set my mind right,
stop hoping,
stop looking
in familiar crowded streets
that feel so empty;
while I spy your image
only in my mind's eye,
through the confines of
walls without windows,
of days too many to number
till you stand before me;

While I, transparent, naked,
struggle to cover
each emotion...
in the face of all I love.
11th-May-2015 10:45 pm - After All I Did Not Say - by Quester
After All I Did Not Say - by Quester 1991 (copywrite 2005)

Open and wide is the world tonight
for all to see
It opened for me
he came to me
offered up himself to me
direct and firm
he looked into me
in a moment
after all I did not say
I wanted him
but refused him
I wish I had taken him
stepping into his world
to have known
that which now,
I will never know.
11th-May-2015 10:18 pm - Feathers and Beaus - by Quester
Feathers and Beaus - by Quester 1968 - (copy write 2005)

I once knew a guy named Grey.
He lived from day to day.
He was carefree and gay
in his own kind of way;

With feathers and flowers,
beads and bells,
existing alone
in childhood hell;

So he lived for love
and he lived for the day
with a song in his heart
and the hep hep parade;

with beads and flowers,
his feathers and beaus,
where travels took them,
nobody knows;

Lonesome again
in the cold,
wind, and snow.
11th-May-2015 02:46 am - Queer Boy Blues - by Quester
happy paul
Queer boy blues - by Quester 1989

Sex streams from my armpits
beer sweats out my forehead
and one day
sex wasn't good;
booze wasn't working;
i wasn't working;
then another day
i was shocked to find out
i was o.k. without you
and i didn't want to love you
and i didn't want to kill your boyfriend
and i didn't want to kill myself anymore.

We made eachother sick.
now i make myself sick;
but i can stand my own puke;
i just can't stand your puke mixed with mine.
green-red puke. sickening!
mine green with envy;
your's red with firey anger;
and red and green puke make brown puke,
like shit
like my skin color,
like my shit life,
with or without you;

And now i vomit my shit
even while i kiss you.
it's hard to love a man who pukes his shit;
but it's queer how your shit doesn't stink
when you belch up your booze breath
in a smoke ridden, drug ridden, queer bar!
and one morning i woke up again, alone
and i didn't miss you,
and i wasn't sure i wanted you;
yeah, give me sex. hard!
give me booze not too hard,
`cause it sure beats crying
in shadows of illusion.

i had an angel is my life,
but you are no longer;
and i was the prince
that fell from the horse;

And now i drag my butt around
to a future lost memory
of another man
who also drinks
and fucks to forget
like me.

11th-May-2015 02:36 am - He Will Do - by Quester
happy paul
He will do - 1989 by Quester

Not the one,
but he will do
if he is angry for good reason,
lazy only for a season;

He will do if
he can laugh,
can cry,
can kiss,
can be alone
and me, he'll miss;

He can be my fuck'in man
my suck'in man
my woman/man
my doggie man
my daddy man
my sonny boy
my fetch'in man
my whip'in man
Man Oh Man!

He will do
if he can see
beyond the fear
inside of me;

he'll do fine
if he can feel
the love in me
i do not feel-
if his gaze
of wild delight
lures this lonely child to life.
10th-May-2015 05:41 am - His Wish - by Quester
happy paul
His Wish - Quester 1995

He wished at his death--
his blood to be shed
upon his mother's bones
in her grave,
to enter into her again;

to behold and be held
in the womb of immortal safety
where even God could
bring no harm,
nor devil,
nor dark angle,
dare rob the treasured gift
from his mother's loving arms.

10th-May-2015 03:28 am - Within Lines - by Quester
happy paul
Within Lines - Quester 1997

People shake our hands
not knowing
where they have been;

Merchants take our cash
not caring
how it was obtained;

within ear shot
selectively hear
but a few;

Reading words
of kindred minds,
we see the life
within the lines.

10th-May-2015 02:58 am - I need Someone - by Quester
happy paul

I need someone
to help me hold bits of paper together;
addresses, notes,
fragments of my life,
empty boxes from the last move,
bits of our lives;

I need someone
to help me put it all together,
to sit me down,
to hold me still,
to join severed arms and legs
into the man I never was;

I need a tranquil
change of destiny;
a dream
of no awakening.

10th-May-2015 02:53 am - Nothing - by Quester
happy paul
NOTHING - by Quester 1995

I work for a fool--

he pays me to

sit and do nothing;

But I am the fool--

I have not learned

how to do nothing.

happy paul
Recollections of my Closet - 1988 (dedicated to my family and Brain H.)

I recall the time I
gave up my wife who
almost gave up the ghost,
who salvaged her sanity
via Ativan
in St. Mary's where
all the relatives died;

I recall sacred vow guilt,
giving up our home,
giving up the dreams
which never gave me rest;

I recall giving up all women
only to fear they may be right
when they said
men were all the same;

I recall the visits
to my family
with fear they would not see

Gave up drinking,
only to cry over a drunk lover;
Gave up the drunk lover
to help a run away teen queen
who lost his mind in a world
of cruel hatred
and doctors with more drugs
than time;

I recall giving
up all I thought I wanted,
to find what is was
I needed;

I recall the day
I gave up explaining who I am,
why I am not what you thought
I would always be;

I recall clearly
the loneliness,
the anger,
of living another's hope,
another's implacable ideal;

I recall the child who
saw God and freedom
in a handful of moss in a woods.

10th-May-2015 02:42 am - Plan 8 - by Quester
happy paul
Plan 8 - 1989

Lay low,
save money,
go home to mother--
she still loves me;
throw myself on the mercy of god and family,
do better,
do more;
just don't do me in!
sing for dinner,
beg for help,
eat crow,
eat what ever i can--
start over,
start living,
breath easier,
stop dreaming,
start dreaming,
give myself a rest,
give myself a break,
a taco,
an icecream--
after all,
life may love me this time.
30th-Nov-2014 02:01 am - A Picture of Me
A Picture of Me - by bkh 11-30-2005 (copyright 2005)

A picture of me
once upon a time,
in a space;
a face
no longer in that place,
yet not erased,
existing absent of proof
of body or mind.
29th-Nov-2014 02:10 pm - God!
God! god?! god! - by jhonne jroh 1989 (copywrite 2005)

I need,
don't want
some help in this time so standing
still where I spend the hours
never passing through doors;
Touching heartbeats' eternal will

Sacrificing thy own body
and earth senses to create
a world without offense
and defenses against an inch of nails
driving inside, deeper forever;

Spending hours passing, touching
hearts' infernal will
spending hours searching
for the product of the thrill.
28th-Nov-2014 03:42 pm - Have You Ever
Have You Ever - by jhonne jroh 07-11-1987 (copywrite 2005)

Have you ever
a deep need
to express
and think
only no one
would understand,

Have you ever
your feelings
like a criminal
the only comfort
the movement
of a pencil
in your hand.

Have you ever
needed to be touched
and there was only
no one to hold...
Have you ever
felt the warmth
of the cold...

Have you ever
dreamt a dream
that was
Oh, so close
to coming true,
only to find
the reality
you chose
was just
a fantasy,
a fantastic journey
your mind was traveling through.

Have you ever...
Have you ever...
Have you ever...

Have you ever
looked up
at the clock
and notice
was flying
by so fast
it seemed
to be
standing still,

Have you ever
every moment's
in the end
has it's
uncompromising will.

Have you ever...
Have you ever...
Have you ever
needed to be touched
and there was only
no one to hold...

Have you ever
felt the warmth
of the cold...
Have You Ever?
26th-Nov-2014 09:33 am - Eyes Of Love
Eyes Of Love - by jhonne jroh 02-18-1989 (copywrite 2005)

The waves crash upon the shore,
never stopping, never ceasing.
I stand, I look across the ocean;
I wonder if you are standing
across the vast emptiness.

The seagulls swoop down
to catch their prey.
I wish I too could fly, soar,
I would on wings of air,
across the many miles,
and search in vain,
for I must find you,
I know you're there;

I am so lonely
waiting to caress the
strong arms,
look into you're
brown eyes,
see through your
eyes of love.
25th-Nov-2014 01:14 pm - A Dream
A Dream - by jhonne jroh 1988 (copywrite 2005)

I had a dream I wasn't sleeping
I was awake viewing life
with my eyes closed
and everything seen,
my memory's keeping,
although, I can't remember
any words said, except,
I'm not sure what is real;

Now I watch
the sun soon to disappear
and I know all I'm unsure of
is real;
I feel myself in a dream still there;

I'll see the stars' night long
embrace the suns' shine on the moon
in darkness,
and hold all of time
in a breath,
in a moment
I'll caress the pain 'till it's kind;

And I know all I'm unsure of
is real;
I'm here, though I'm unsure of where
I feel myself in a dream still there;
And at everything, I do and do not stare.
You understand, though you may not believe,
I feel myself in a dream still there.
24th-Nov-2014 03:20 pm - The Seance
The Seance - by Jhonne Jroh 1987 (copyright 2005)

The candlelight flickers
shadows waft through the air,
the night is bright
there is no wind
our eyes are closed,
at the other side we stare.

We all hold hands
new dimensions of space and time
enter our minds,
our thoughts travel to distant worlds
other realities like wires entangled
all the same but still different kinds.

The clock ticks silently05
our hearts pound in sync
a microsecond passes by;
a lifetime's been lived
as if we were never alive
as if we never died.

Like the breath of unconciousness
that we forget,
if a good or bad dream
we may recall,
memories of ourselves living
previous winters through falls.
24th-Nov-2014 02:07 pm - On Freaking Out
On "FREAKING" Out - by jhonne jroh - last of 1988 (copywrite 2005)

Where u scream
Fears of uncleansed soul
never soiled in the first place
already these words have lost the feeling
of touching the unknown
holding yourself alone
as when born into this world
from just an empty space
seen never before
the "alives` times` eyes"
cry for more control
bolding yourself alone
as when borne into this world
from just an empty space
filled from within
the inside of a place
of touching the unknown.
24th-Nov-2014 01:58 am - Love to Believe in
Love to Believe in - by jhonne jroh 1989 (copywrite 2005)

There's love to believe in
that shines brightly within a heart
inside darkness and light,
that when held by warmth in winter
and coolness in summer
is felt wholly true
where touch is not of emotions,
not of thought,
but is a feeling of not feeling
anything that isn't of
breath alive
and death lived thru.
There's love to believe in
within a heart felt wholly true.
22nd-Nov-2014 10:31 am - Words Said
Words Said - by jhonne jroh 1988 (copywrite 2005)

Doesn't know the words said
are more than voice's meaning
be care, full what you say
what is spoken is important as
what you're feeling;
Woulden't want to have your
feeling misunderstood.
22nd-Nov-2014 09:51 am - Tender Vittles Every Day
So it Seems - by jhonne jroh 08-18-1987 (copy write 2005)

Life is happy,
life is sad,
sometimes sorrowful,
sometimes glad _

Life is a dream
so it seems,
living through illusions
of my world,
questioning what I see,
receiving answers,
not knowing what they mean.
21st-Nov-2014 03:13 am - ethnicity
ETHNICITY by bkh 2007 (copyright 2007)

Just how far back does IT go our ancestry
how many generations back
can anyone map their family tree
who can trace beyond the millions of years
descendants of
fossils showing we
in this human form
have been
all now living
2 discover
in everyone
a relative
who yesterday
20th-Nov-2014 04:26 am - Look the Other Way
Look the Other Way - by jhonne jroh 1987 (copywrite 2005)

My love
I don't know what to say,
when we look the other way;
what,s on my mind I want to tell you
but the words are lost when I look
into your eyes,
my feelings for you are so true
but it's strange that when we touch,
my heartbeat dies.

My love,
when we're in the same room
why do I stare out the window
as if you're not there;
what's inside me
I feel for you
I want to show my soul I can share;
my love
we've known each other for
for only a couple of days,
but you have shown you care
in so many different ways.

My love
I'd like to go now
together somehow
anywhere that you will be;
if I were struck blind
I'd still find
the brightest rainbows easy to see.
19th-Nov-2014 01:39 pm - Midnight
Midnight - by jhonne jroh 1988 (copywrite 2005)

Cold wind flows through the veins of yesterdays' eyes
embraced by the vision of todays' past unspoken lies
now shadowed mirror recalls tomorrow sleeping peaceful and sound
where truth is seen, touched, then found
and moments gone live dying awake in a dream;

There are no Prince Charmings in the midst of midnight
just the sense of crimes' passion touching darkness in light
and there are no Prince Charmings in the...
using loves' blindness 'stead of minds' sight
just time passing caresses
embracing forever alone in the midst
of the midst of midnight.
18th-Nov-2014 02:35 pm - Journey
Journey - by jhonne jroh 1988 (copywrite 2005)

I feel life is changing
The sunsets taking me
The journey's mind rearriving;
I feel everything I see;
Heartbeats finally jumping,
Setting my spirit free;
The sunrise remains shinning;
I got to believe!

No one will stop my truth
From moving in the evening;
Fear tells me, discontinue,
But myself, I've stopped deceiving;

The future's living yesterday
Drawing me closer
To a tomorrow in the next dimension;
Today's becoming clear...
Never again, materialistic living;
True touch is surely arriving...
Something never felt before;
So much this life's clearing.
18th-Nov-2014 08:17 am - Privacy of the Night
Privacy of the Night - by jhonne jroh 1989 (copywrite 2005)

Awake all alone in the darkness..
Wanna lie down upon the earth's ground
see through the eyes of the sky
and feel without touching someone
hours passing midnight sleep growing near
need desire's abandon loneliness
heart allows hard pavement to take the mind to where
it's refuge is found in the privacy of the night
there no one will know except for one soul
that shadows stars light in the privacy of the night;

There no one will know except the one soul
sight is all forsaken only depth of space is seen
and the shimmers of twilite blind too in memory
cannot tell what the vision means
not even in dreams is the love right
in the privacy, privacy of the night
where living is like dying and that would be kind
'cause you'd rather leave the world behind
then let stay a stranger
in the privacy, privacy of the night;

With warm lies caressing tears falling until the grave
and denial of the breath spoken
pursues onward movement
of the spade and the words truly wanting
to be said buried deeper
no one's ever paid to win the fight
without losing in the privacy of the night
kiss and kiss only find love for only life
find one to share always
in the privacy of the night
find one to share eternally in the privacy,
privacy of the night.
17th-Nov-2014 01:25 pm - I Feel
I Feel - by jhonne jroh 1987 (copywrite 2005)

I feel
I never want this night
to come to an end,
our conversation implies
we're becoming more
than just friends.

I hope you feel the way I do
I think it could be true;
for a moment I look into your eyes
inside your heart I can see,
that in the past there've been many lies
with me no more they'll be.

I feel
your truth and honesty
shines inside my soul,
fantasy of true romance,
we're the producers in control.

I dream that love is happening
with us it'd onlyu grow,
I feel
for you I feel,
guess I should let you know?
16th-Nov-2014 04:42 pm - Just a Thought
July 2004
Just a Thought (bkh copyright 2005)

from a certain vantage point
the uni-verse as a matter of
infinite space and time as one whole
all the years of people's lives, all
of known history and the future present
all unknown manifestations, occur
at once
16th-Nov-2014 03:29 pm - You Tell Me
You Tell Me - by jhonne jroh 1988 (copyright 2005)

You tell me I must give it up --
No time for growing young
too old, to live it up;
You have this thing of believing
the world's never gonna change.
Well, don't you know if I stopped,
I'd live in my life without pleasure,
die in your world filled with pain;

And you say I'm disturbing you,
waking you in the middle of the night;
shortly, I am wrong;
seriously, you are right;
so angry at me
that my only worry is what you see
when in your mirror;

If you'll only light the day
and change the darkness;
how do you know what is truly light;
like how do you know what love is

if you've never shown you feel your heart.
16th-Nov-2014 03:28 pm - The Victim in the Killer
The "Victim" in the "Killer" - by jhonne jroh 1989 (copyright 2005)

The one alive__ with face of death, displaying forever
the expressions; forever living inside the sense
of the crime, that which, centuries' mind forgotten
must feel, it is of the setting suns' rises...
one sacrificed life!...
We all sacrifice the life we die to live for.
16th-Nov-2014 03:27 pm - Twin Souls
Twin Souls - by jhonne jroh 1987 (copyright 2005)

My feelings for you
go deeper than friendship,
I try to dismiss them
but it's way too hard;
my heart yearns to touch you inside
to kiss your lips,
but I'm afraid if I try
death will be my reward.

How do I know
if I should show
what I really feel;
when rejection may not be far out of sight
without your affection tonight
I can't deal.

The truth is
I'm growing in love with you,
when I'm near you
my thoughts soar through skies blue,
I believe we are twin souls
and it's the first time since the beginning that
we've been together true.
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